Comments on Bahá’í Thought: Blogwarriors: Pre-Mother's Day Edition

I'm so sad to hear about those youth. We have had ...

2007-05-21T00:47:00.000-03:00

I'm so sad to hear about those youth. We have had some similar loses here in the U.S. It is truly a tragedy at any age, but especially when it afflicts the young. I'm going to be addressing this in a post soon about moral excellence.

I think i would most often pray for people to be k...

2007-05-20T20:17:00.000-03:00

I think i would most often pray for people to be kinder to each other and realise they have the power to create peace and unity. Lately I have been praying a lot for youth as there have been some suicides in our area and it is sad to think they lost hope when we live in a very special Day (I am doing book 4 for Ruhi at the moment so we are talking a lot about that)

Some very interesting posts here Phillipe... you're weighing into some heavy topics.

Whoops. Looks like I got my Liz's mixed up! Sorry ...

2007-05-18T11:08:00.000-03:00

Whoops. Looks like I got my Liz's mixed up! Sorry about that. Thanks Judith for adding some "mother wit" of your own.

My dear daughter Liz W.(in PA)--Oce again, you are...

2007-05-18T09:48:00.000-03:00

My dear daughter Liz W.(in PA)--Oce again, you are headed down (or up??)that slippery slope: from lotion to hair grease.
Pehaps it is no accident that your brother, also, alas, ash-afflicted at a young and impressionable age, has married a dermatolagist--
--Thanks for adding a note of humor, not to say hilarity, to a serious topic! I do think that true humor is often a wonderful way to open doors to stuff we don't know how to talk about.
(and now I know why my humor is drier than yours. Not enough lotion.)
Mom,
AKA Judith W. in PA

Ah yes, the lotion thing. Sage advice from Liz in ...

2007-05-18T07:12:00.000-03:00

Ah yes, the lotion thing. Sage advice from Liz in LA. This is fascinating, I don't think I've heard people being so candid about white moms and mixed kids and what they need to know and that they don't know it all. Please keep this going and I will direct others to it as well. I'm sure this is one that many people will want to weigh in on.

As a person of "mixed" racial heritage, I have man...

2007-05-18T02:47:00.000-03:00

As a person of "mixed" racial heritage, I have many contributions to make to this discussion. I would love to write an open letter to all parents of so-called biracial children. However, in the interest of time, I will offer only the following comments and suggestions to all Caucasian parents, particularly the mothers, of African American children:

Please lotion your young ones on a daily basis, paying particular attention to the elbows, knees and feet. For the correct amount of lotion, simply double whatever amount you might use on yourself. If you're still not sure if the skin is sufficiently moisturized, perform the scratch-test by gently drawing your nail across your child's skin. If a white line appears, more lotion is needed. This white line is called "ash" and is the skin's cry for help. Sometimes large areas will be covered with this alarming whiteness. Don't panic, it's not a rare skin disease and is actually quite common in certain circles. It does, however, indicate that your child has moved into the critical stage of ashiness and requires immediate attention. Failure to do so will result in a fair amount of teasing and perhaps even ridicule from any African American within a 50-foot radius. Don't worry, the ash will disappear as soon as lotion is applied. Do not allow your children to play tic-tac-toe on their arms and legs during moments of boredom. It may encourage them to develop a certain dangerous pride in ashiness that will later be the cause of conflict when they inevitably enter into areas largely populated by African Americans who are not of "mixed" racial heritage (that they know of). Ashiness in general is largely frowned upon in the African American culture and is thought by many to be a sign of poor family training and even a mark of ignorance. No matter how smart your kid is, ashiness may limit their opportunities tremendously, both socially and professionally. (If your African American spouse is not aware of these proven facts, throw a half a bottle of lotion on them, too.)

At a later date I will post a very important comment about hair, entitled "Dipping the Hairbrush in Water Will Not Prevent Naps And Should Be Considered A Stop-Gap Measure Rather Than A Permanent Solution for Unruly Hair."

thanks for asking, Phillipe-
Actually you've in...

2007-05-17T14:19:00.000-03:00

thanks for asking, Phillipe-
Actually you've inspired me to think about putting something together, in conjunction with another or others. I don't know about anything specifically addressing this issue, but I will look. Bringing differing racial perspectives to bear as you explore parenting will produce exciting results.
We are very very fortunate to have available now--not just for Baha'is, but for all parents-- a number of excellent compilations on parenting. These can be studied, reflected then acted upon, on an ongoing basis, ahead of time, and throughout parenthood.
The compilation by the Universal House of Justice, the Education of Children, is very comprehensive. The Core Curriculum parenting training course is good, with the accompanying book "foundations of a spiritual education."

Back in the day,(70's), these weren't available, and I found very helpful and illuminating:
"Mother's, Fathers and Children", by Ali-Akbar Furutan--deceptively simple!; a couple of articles in the magizine from India, "Glory," by Mr. Faizi, on children, particularly on the subject of discipline. They probably can be found via cyberspace.

As Mr. Furutan points out, it is of primary importantance for both parents to continually come to agreement and be in usison, both a challenge and a bounty when you have parents of differing cultures.

As for personal experience as a Baha'i parent, especially around issues of identity and race: I've learned and continue to learn from my successes and some huge blind spots, and exchanges with other parents and their offspring, with the Writings always as a touchstone.
I would humbly suggest that we white women do not enter parenthood well equipped to raise children of color in this country, and the husband as well as the wife should give this due consideration and weight. (and let's not even talk about hair care!!) There is a whole skill set we don't have that is passed on from generation to generation as a result of the Black experience in this country. It is also my opinion that, in general, both African Americans and Jews have the advantages of having been in the minority, and the underdog in larger societies for a long time. As a result, they have developed complementary but different skills and positive attributes--along with a whole lot of survival mechanisms that have outlived any usefulness they may once have had. Jesus Christ said that on that Day God would "separate the wheat from the chaff." It seems to me that, in addition to separating the sincere from the insincere, this signifies that in this Day He has given us the ability to do this within our own selves.

Sorry, this seems to be more than you asked for, and I don't want to write a treatise. But let me know, Phillipe and others, if I can be of any assistance in this arena.
Judith in PA

Judith,

Sorry if my flippancy caused you so...

2007-05-17T14:05:00.000-03:00

Judith,

Sorry if my flippancy caused you some concern. I really would not wish to claim any genetic combination superior. I did remember, though, that in my biology lesson the word "race" was used to describe any group of creatures that could breed together and to look at things from that point of view then we could classify mankind as one race. I like that definition better than the one used to describe people, personally.

Pauline

Thanks Judith in PA for sounding a warning on the ...

2007-05-16T18:28:00.000-03:00

Thanks Judith in PA for sounding a warning on the dangers of racializing the concept of a "new race of men". Tricky, tricky stuff. Also the part about what I said regarding my own future children. I was merely making a play on words there as it is most likely the people around them who will be mixed up, not our kids. I would love to get a head start on these things in a structured way, so any information you have about that would be great.

Abdu'l-Baha does mention a comparision between hyb...

2007-05-16T14:49:00.000-03:00

Abdu'l-Baha does mention a comparision between hybridization in nature and the fruits of "interracial" union, stating such children are usually healthy, intelligent and resourceful. (I have to find the exact Writing). But I do think that the "new race of men" refers to mental and spiritual qualities. As the grandchild of Eastern European Jews (my intimacy with them in early childhood has left me with many gems), I am very, very suspicious of of a genetic definition of a superior race.
My dear brother Phillipe: much as I appreciate/enjoy the letter and spirt of your word play about mixed up children, I must say, as the French do: "au contraire". With most people today feeling compelled to take sides on racial matters, many interracial children appear to have a much clearer and wider vision than the rest of us--Perhaps they are able to be more dispassionate: Baha'u'llah says, "beware, lest too much love or too much hate incline you to error". And it is possible for them to get the best of each parent's cultural heritage. One plus one = two. However, a lot of thought and discussion on the matter by the parents seems practical. You and your wife are fortunate--as I was not--to have an opportunity to study, meditate and consult prior to the birth of children. Why not take advantage and get a headstar?
Judith in PA

When I studied biology I was taught about "hybrid ...

2007-05-15T13:59:00.000-03:00

When I studied biology I was taught about "hybrid vigor". Maybe this and Baha'u'llah's teachings will bring us "a new race of men"

Pauline

My wife if from a German/Russian-Jewish background...

2007-05-15T10:53:00.000-03:00

My wife if from a German/Russian-Jewish background and I am African American so we will have mixed little ones. I appreciate hearing from two people with some knowledge and experience and look forward to lots of coaching from the both of you once my wife and I welcome children into the world.
I do think it would be interesting to have resources available to support families like this and their children. My sister's husband is Irish and I have a sister in law who is Chinese and a sister in law who is from India so this next generation will be thoroughly mixed up, so to speak.

Thank you for your kind words, Judith. My kids ar...

2007-05-15T08:50:00.000-03:00

Thank you for your kind words, Judith. My kids are 8 and 12 this year. Fortunately being mixed race is not such an issue here as in some communities as they have quite a few friends who are too. When we visited the country my husband originated from they really stuck out as most people were not mixed race and they got a lot of friendly attention as a result of it, especially from the shop girls who wanted to know where they could find a man to give them beautiful children like these!
Parenting is a joy and such hard work. The biggest issue in my household that my husband and I have to work on is raising children when the parents have been raised so differently and have different ideas about this. My husband is a Catholic and I am a Baha'i. We work hard to create unity in the household. It is amazing the issues that come up that we weren't aware of before the children.

Pauline

Post mother's day greeting to all. Phillipe- than...

2007-05-14T09:23:00.000-03:00

Post mother's day greeting to all. Phillipe- thank you for the mother's day greeting (on previous blog). Pauline--From your comments (also on previous blog), I am sure that you are doing a deep spriritual service for your children, How old are they now? These will bear fruits that will amaze you. At least that's been my experience!
I would love to see/be part of a workshop on parenting interracial children, specifically, with a skilled facilitator(s), and the Writings as a focus. These children definitely can serve as bridges in a seemingly divided world. It would be great to mix the experiences of parents at various stages of this wonderful journey, so that we could share, in a prayerful manner, our successes and things we would do differently (I won't say failures, because we should always look hopefully to the future).
Mother's day was, for me, another opportunity to thank God for the bounties of, first, creating me as a woman on this plane of existence, then for being part of miracle of motherhood. It is amazing the way in which Baha'u'llah illuminates for me and for the world, the high importance of motherhood.
To cite just two quotations from the ocean of His Words that have expanded my consciousness at various stages of motherhood:
"Thou didst wish to make Thyself known unto men, therefore, Thou didst, through a word of Thy mouth, bring creation into being and fashion the universe" -
Baha'u'llah
--This takes on a deep meaning immediately after the birth of a child, a visceral certainty of being an instrument, and instrument only, of God's creation-
and, thereafter:
"Among the greatest of all services that can possibly be rendered by man to God is the education and training of children."
I think that, like Black History month, mother's day should not be confined to a specific time period, 'cause mothers are mothers every day, just like Black History is not isolated from American History and world history.
With the challenges mothers everywhere--especially those raising children with very limited support--and I don't just mean material support--I feel everyone, male and female, can have the privelege of helping in this endeavor.

Judith W. in PA